I wish i was in the wii world.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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