she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
