First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
