ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
