Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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