I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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