My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
