Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Two words: nipple clamps
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