I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
