dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
