I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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