I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
