Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
