I wish i was in the wii world.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
