My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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