Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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