We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Your tits are I can't wait for
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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