Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
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