Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
