Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is my gift to your gina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
