I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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