I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
