Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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