dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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