How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
