Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
