Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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