This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
