The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
