I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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