Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
