her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
