I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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