Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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