if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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