wanna go halves on a baby?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
