you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
