UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
