Fine. I'll sleep in my office
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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