Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ttyl tear gas
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
is that a dick in a sweater?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
