Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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