I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
