New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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