Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
