Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
