I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
do herpes really smell.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
