Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
