2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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