fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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