I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
