Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
