Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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