i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
