Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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