I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
