I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
