Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Rumble strips road head = magical
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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