just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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