you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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