if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
