ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
