I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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