He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
