sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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