3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
