I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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