Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
